Gerrard prosecutor speaks, but still no clue as to what music Stevie was seeking

Stevie G’s entirely proper acquittal last week for delivering up to three uppercuts to a DJ in what was termed ‘pre-emptive self-defence’ – a term that could have been coined by George Bush – was not due to a friendly local jury, according to the prosecutor in the case.

In an article in the Daily Post’s legal section, Ben Schofield writes that Exchange Chambers was surprised that Gerrard chose not to employ their services, but lavished a reported £250K on London QC John Kelsey-Fry rather than the eventual prosecutor David Turner.

Turner, a former cabaret director of the Cambridge footlights, is described in the article as ‘charismatic raconteur’ and thought the evidence that Gerrard acted in self-defence in the Southport punch-up ‘strong’.

Gerrard ‘totally lost it’ over alleged Phil Collins dancefloor rejection

Liverpool Crown Court has heard that Steven Gerrard ‘totally lost it’ with a DJ who supposedly refused to play a Phil Collins record for the Scouse boy wonder, with CCTV footage showing the scuffle from 2008.

Gerrard allegedly hit out at businessman Marcus McGee “with a succession of well-aimed uppercut punches delivered with the style and speed of a boxer” at the Lounge Inn, Southport.

Gerrard pleads self-defence, which the prosecution disputes. Gerrard’s codefendents all plead guilty.

Here’s how the prosecution see the incident, after Gerrard allegedly demands a card that controls the music system with the words “Here y’are lad. Give me that lad.” McGee objected to the expression ‘lad’, which given that he lives on Merseyside must pose a lot of problems.

Liverpool wit: Rafa, Gerrard, Carragher, Owen and Crouch impersonations

I suppose it’s debatable exactly how cultural this is, but this Youtube video of some local lad running through his spot-on impressions of Rafa Benitez, Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, Michael Owen and Peter Crouch is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages.