Stevie G’s entirely proper acquittal last week for delivering up to three uppercuts to a DJ in what was termed ‘pre-emptive self-defence’ – a term that could have been coined by George Bush – was not due to a friendly local jury, according to the prosecutor in the case.

In an article in the Daily Post’s legal section, Ben Schofield writes that Exchange Chambers was surprised that Gerrard chose not to employ their services, but lavished a reported £250K on London QC John Kelsey-Fry rather than the eventual prosecutor David Turner.

Turner, a former cabaret director of the Cambridge footlights, is described in the article as ‘charismatic raconteur’ and thought the evidence that Gerrard acted in self-defence in the Southport punch-up ‘strong’.

Gerrard’s friends pleaded guilty to affray or causing a disturbance.

The remaining important – and unanswered – questions from the case seem to be exactly what word beginning with ‘P’ Gerrard labelled receiver of said uppercuts Marcus McGee; what a ‘jammy donut’ shot is; and exactly what music the Reds ace was after in the first place.